THORTON POINT 73X, July 21, 2022
Seeking help ever since the first major travel holidays of this year, I used my technology, but mainly didn't get anything. Sent to the ER, they reported some tests showing why I felt so lousy, but they didn't follow up. Deemed with SI, I was discharged shortly, as I have in mind what the Sierra Club rep told me on my first visit to a Club meeting.
Back as I was at the U as a 17 year old, I went to a campus Club meeting. The rep sitting at the door disallowed me inside, and told me as I asked about how to help as far as the environment, "Get rid of yourself." So, the thought of suicide was entered into my student brain.
Presently exhausted and tired, with little will to do anything and my interests in my life passions fading, I had been through this before. Back in about 2017, I was speaking with a hiking buddy and she said that she took anti-depressants, and sounded pretty cheery. Then, I wasn't hiking much and had suspended my travels and road trips due to the greenhouse gas emissions that my then 45 mpg would cause. My doctor agreed to prescribe me some, and a bit later, I started to look up ways of getting rid of yourself on the Net. Because the pill bottle warned of suicidal thoughts, I told the doctor, and he was required by Law to call 911.
The police and paramedics came to my door, and I didn't wish to resist, so they took me away to the main hospital ER. After a day or so, they took me to a mental ward, where I undertook some treatment. I didn't see why I should be held, since I had no really solid plan or much will to kill myself, so they discharged me after a few days as I was being held against my will. Perhaps to be continued taking the anti-depressants, as that was their diagnosis, I lived restfully at home.
Either I didn't keep notes or lost them, as I don't have it down what I did and what happened to me. I sure didn't want to be forced into a facility with other ill people, with no good treatment venues for me, and over the many months, I stayed active with dining, and my own technology. In 2019, I bought a new Nikon camera with 4K video capability, and started back up with photography and slight travel. I loaded my photos to social media and ran my seldom visited You Tube channel.
Improving greatly, I restarted posts on my website, and began peak bagging back in earnest. At about the end of September, 2021, though, several factors tended to disrupt my well-being. I had also to budget my money, so a sort of hibernation seemed wise. As appears on this website, my peak or bump bagging grew to be less and less, and I started with more TV. With fewer peaks and hikes, my living urges started to fade out. I'd have better days, then bad days. Getting more and more devoid of energy, it became an effort to do much of anything. I figured with warmer weather, I'd improve and even get back to hiking.
This didn't happen. I thought again of how I had gotten, and started to seek help. I'd spend the entire days laying in bed, and was too tired to open my mail. I began to realize, no one cares about me. Family mostly hated me, and I had zero friends. I couldn't find anyone to do things about my home, even a caregiver for a day or so every week or month.
Monday the 18th, I finally got to my mail, and saw a May complaint from the HOA about the ladder and ropes that I had left on my roof from a year ago. Not wishing any sort of penalty or even an eviction, I mustered up the energy to get my longest ladder, and by chance, a neighbor was walking by. I requested for him to hold the ladder as I scaled it, a sticking point for a whole year as I couldn't even hire help for $200/hour to take care of this. I got the ropes and other ladder down, and another neighbor held the ladder as I climbed down, so with great tiredness, I had accomplished my neglected mission.
Resting heavily, I mused about my situation. No friends, no helpful neighbors until today, and nobody to even chat about working for me. I figured that I was suffering from depression again, and my appointments with doctors were weeks away. I had seen an ad for mental health assessments online locally. I called the number and was told that they did walk-in assessments.
Motoring quickly to this hospital, I had to fill out and sign a bunch of forms so the doctor could see me. Entrusting my belongings and thusly checked in, I was given a bed, and then another patient shared the room with me. Long story short, it was cold and noisy in this place, and I shortly wished to be discharged. They had a pharmacy but not the meds that I am prescribed. Then some hostile patients and staff made me fear for my personal safety, and I thought of pizza and other dining that I was forced away from.
So this day, Thursday, I was gratefully and mercifully released, and my car hadn't lost much range as it sat in high heat over the days that I sought treatment. My phone and Watch had run down, but I got food as I drove on home, with also walnuts, good for such illness by the Net. I showered and brushed my teeth, to lay in bed working on my notes. My phone and Watch had then charged back up, so I got another French Dip, and then headed for the nearby hiking.
It had been hot days, so few people were exercising outdoors. My register hadn't been signed in since my last visit, and there was a warm breeze. I remembered to use my workout app, used the outhouse as I got back, glad that I can still do this. Going to the supermarket for groceries, I'm blessed with cash, and I saved a lot of money last month. I was also able to sign up for the car maker insurance, new for this state, and deposit a larger check, take care of bill payments, and video chat with my oldest brother as now he replied to show some concern about me.
Feeling better about being back home, with good food as the town will offer at late night, I worked on my website. I'll have to force myself to activity, and evening peak or bump bags. No medical professionals could care less about me, as some of the hospital staff insisted they were here to help, but as no one wants to chat with me, they quickly left as I started to converse from my bed. Lucky to hear that I wouldn't be billed for all of this, as I returned home, I saw that I was in about the same situation. I have plans for alternate venues for treatment, and it's also to wait to see a doctor. I'm also now back in the same situation as last year, where they may revoke my drivers license. I offered my ex-neighbor cash if she could get such a doctor for me, so it remains to be seen what happens.
With technology, there is telemedicine, and I might chat with a therapist online, even a doctor. We may beat climate change, and inflation may not last to be so high forever, so I see a good world ahead. I will complete my installment payments for my two phones, perhaps find a cheaper wireless plan, and save on insurance. Dining out is still affordable, a friend could come to me out of the blue, then my investments could skyrocket.
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